Showing posts with label Anger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Anger. Show all posts

Friday, 8 February 2019

How to kill the hidden termites of your personality?

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Everyone experiences negative emotions from time to time. It is perfectly human to have them after all, you cant be happy and cheerful all the time. Moreover, without negative emotions, we wouldnt be able to recognize and appreciate the positive ones. How would you know that you are happy when you have never been sad and despaired? What would calmness feel like if youve never experienced anxiety and anger? At the same time, when you have a tendency towards a particular emotional state, there could be some deeper reasons than you might realize.
Negative emotions can be described as any feeling which causes you to be miserable and sad. These emotions make you dislike yourself and others and take away your confidence. Emotions that can become negative are hate, anger, jealousy, and sadness. Yet, in the right context, these feelings are completely natural. Negative emotions can dampen our enthusiasm for life, depending on how long we let them affect us and the way we choose to express them.
Types of negative emotions and how to overcome it are listed below:

Sadness:

This is an emotion which hardly has any positive effect on life. In fact, it saps away the time that we lose because of this negative emotion. Except for the fact that we have a possibility to contemplate and experience nostalgia, there is no other gain from the emotion of sadness. It reduces energy. It reduces your desire to follow goals. You start feeling that there is no sign of life. If the sadness continues you lose your interest in life.
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How to overcome?
The best way is to start doing something interesting. For example, if you are fond of painting, start a new picture. If you are fond of singing, start practicing a new song. If you are a health freak, it is time that you start doing some exercise. In short, dont sit and spend away your valuable time in remaining sad.

Anxiety:

Next on the list is Anxiety. Some people may say that anxiety helps you to analyze the situation. It prepares you to meet the challenge ahead. It forces you to do all the preparation that you need to face the new situation or a challenge. This is an example of a self-satisfying assumption. Anxiety will have a negative effect on your brain. Anxiety affects your ability to decide. And it should not be mistaken for a need to prepare for meeting any situation. That does not require anxiety. It requires only your decisive thinking and discipline. Anxiety will only cause stress which will affect your productivity. Whenever you are anxious for a particular challenge which has cropped up in your life the best way is to sit down and write what are the possibilities. You have always to make a choice. If you dont decide even that will add to your anxiety.
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How to overcome?
The thing that makes fears and phobias so persistent is that virtually anything you do to oppose, escape, or distract from the anxious feelings and thoughts will be turned against you, and make the anxiety a more persistent part of your life. This is why people notice “the harder I try, the worse it gets”. They’re putting out fires with gasoline. If you come to see that you’ve been putting out fires with gasoline, you may not have any idea what to do next. But the first step is always the same:put down the buckets. Stop throwing gasoline on that fire. This is where the cognitive-behavioral methods of desensitization and exposure come in. They’re intended as methods by which you can practice with (not against) the symptoms, and become less sensitive to them. As you lose your fear of the symptoms, through this practice, that’s when the symptoms will fade.
Anger:
The third type of negative emotion is Anger. Anger is the negative emotion which can be used to your advantage. But it will happen only if you are keen to use it. Keen to use Anger to motivate you to do something which you have been postponing. Anger also needs to be in control. When in control you can be sure that it will give you greater energy to face the situation which is difficult and which requires all concentrated effort. However, if you think that Anger by itself will help you if you think that it will solve your problem by itself, you are sadly mistaken. Unbridled anger can cause havoc. It will increase your stress and generate further negative emotions like vengeance or enmity and the like. So, you should be cautious that anger should not be allowed to rule over you. You should only think of using the situation or using this powerful emotion for furthering your course. It definitely enhances your motivation. It definitely increases your willpower to resolve the problem. But as I said earlier you must be in control of your anger. You should not allow anger to have control over you.
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How to overcome?
Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. But if you can forgive someone who angered you, you might both learn from the situation and strengthen your relationship.
Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Use humor to help you face what’s making you angry and, possibly, any unrealistic expectations you have for how things should go. Avoid sarcasm, though it can hurt feelings and make things worse.

Guilt:

The fourth type of negative emotion is guilt. It is generated by your inner self. It happens when you feel that you have done something which you ought not to have done. It is indicative of a lack of discipline on your part. It is indicative that you are tempted by small things. It is indicative that you have lesser control over yourself. It is indicative of the weakness of ones character. How can we use this emotion to our advantage? We should remain self-aware and we should think before doing anything. Over the period you have realized that certain things which you did in the past, left the curse the feeling of guilt. It means that if you are shirking away from your responsibilities, you will have the feeling of guilt. So if you question yourself that you must avoid the negative feeling of guilt which will cause a negative effect on my health, on your thinking, on your brain, you may help yourself to avoid such inaction or even action which you feel will cost you dearly.
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How to overcome?
Your first step is to explore your feelings of guilt and the corresponding events that took place.
Its important to gain immediate clarification about your feelings of guilt and the meaning and significance this has in your life. This is critical because at times your guilt might not be as clear as you might think. You might, in fact, need to do a little digging in order to decipher the primary reasons for your guilt. Ask yourself:
What am I feeling guilty about?
Why am I feeling guilty?
What is the underlying reason for my guilt?
What do I gain by feeling guilty?
Does this make any sense?
How does this guilt hold me back?
How does this guilt affect those around me?
Is it reasonable to feel guilty about this?

Shame or Embarrassment:

Last but not least we should talk about shame or embarrassment. This negative feeling or emotions demolish our self-confidence. It can reduce our self-esteem. This may not be entirely due to your character blemishes. It may be due to the environment. Oftentimes there are some incidents where your peers or colleagues or others deliberately try to embarrass you. So what should you do? Whenever you are likely to face such a situation you have to prepare yourself. Maybe you remind one previous occasion when some people misbehaved with you. At that time recall what was your conduct. What was your reaction? How did you deal with the situation? Recall, if you had not handled it properly and that became the cause of embarrassment. You can plan out a different response. In any case, if you want to avoid embarrassment which is affecting your personality, you have to do some kind of preparation. In life, if you want to be successful, you have to always prepare for challenging situations. Never be shy of preparation. Never think that you can handle anything and everything because of your ego. Ego has absolutely no place in life except when you mean self-confidence when youre talking about ego
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How to overcome?


Theres a reason why we say were dying of embarrassment because while were in the midst of an embarrassing episode, dying really does seems like the better option. No human being I know is immune from these moments; however, I seem to have a knack at collecting a large variety. After a recent incident that made me want to hide in a corner of the world without Wi-Fi, my writing and spiritual mentor gave me great advice. Its okay to be embarrassed, he said. Its cleansing. This one has already passed, and passed nicely, like a kidney stone after the first day. You may relax.

Monday, 4 May 2015

Poise

The Dictionary meaning of Poise is composure or self-possession or equilibrium.
Thus a poised person is self-assured and carries himself/herself gracefully and with dignity.
For human beings the difficulty arises due to emotions. If anything is not happening as per the expectation, the individual is likely to react in a way which is often irrational. Poise is difficult to maintain. However, the benefits are immense. A poised person is able to deal with all kinds of people calmly and elegantly.


How to maintain poise? Psychologists after research have come to certain conclusions, which I would like to reproduce below:

The biggest enemy of poise is anger. Everyone would agree that anger is not beneficial to the individual under any circumstances. A person gets angry due to uncomfortable situations due to uncomfortable situations or due to his/her own inadequacies to meet the situations. One may also get angry if someone insults or speaks in a manner which is unworthy. But with practice one can meet all challenges. They can remain cool in all circumstances but this will happen with consistent efforts and self awareness.


You should laugh with others even if joke is on you. Any sarcastic remarks can easily be laugh away. Apply mind to come out with the solution. This will happen if you take things in their straight.

Life is mixture of highs and lows. Good things are followed by challenges just like night falls after day the life does not offer a regular cycle like night and day. But both difficulties and happy moments are a part of everybody’s’ life. We need to be appreciated. Keep your spirit up even when things go wrong.


Ego is another enemy of poise. Unfortunately this malady is wide spread. It is found in most well-to-do people. Realizing that ego does not serve any purpose we should throw it out from our life.

Thanks for reading.

Saturday, 2 May 2015

Enemies of Happiness 4

Out of the 8 personality problems or 8 Enemies of Happiness in the personality, Anger is most damaging. Anger is an emotional response related to one’s psychological interpretation of having been threatened. At times the response could be volatile. Anger can have many physical and mental consequences. The ability to take right decision is impaired. Unabated continuous anger can cause he decks, migraines, chest pains etc. over a long period anger results in high blood pressure, depression and heart related diseases.


So we all agree that anger must be avoided to remain fit n fine. But how do we do that. I am listening below some suggestions which I do not claim can totally eradicate your anger, but they are helpful. If practiced with a positive attitude and consistently they can defiantly mitigate anger and control minds of very short tempered people. The suggestions are as follows.

1. The first step is to control your speech. Anger is an emotion which will be difficult to handle but speech is something which is comparatively easier to control. Once you practice control of your speech you will also be practicing how to maintain a positive body language also. With the speech and body language under control you will be able to handle even difficult people efficiently. This will result in reduction of the occasions for you to lose your temper.



2. Smile is a very simple antidote to anger. So therefore keep a smiling face.





3. Meditation is also helpful.


4. Yogic exercises everyday will cool down your temperament.


5. When you are angry go to a quiet place- a sea shore or a garden and have a quiet walk.


6. Start listening to soft music that you like.



7. Finally ask yourself: why do I get angry? Is it helping in any way? Am I achieving any objective whatever it may be?

You will find the answer to all the above questions is simple ‘No’. Therefore you must decide ‘Not to get angry at all’. Keep on repeating these questions and decision every day until you find that your temper is cooling down.

Thanks for reading.

Enemies of Happiness

In my last posting I had mention that as a 1st step we must identify enemies of our Happiness. These are broadly speaking of two types.

  1. Enemies of happiness residing within ourselves.
  2. Enemies outside. These could be people; this could be a tasks which you don’t like or environment.
In today’s posting I like to tell you about enemies of Happiness which are within are our own selves. I have listed eight. There could be more. Based on these 8 you can prepare your own list. Because Happiness is of prime importance to all of us, we must apply our mind deeply to correct the situation. Following is the list of enemies of Happiness residing in our own Body and Soul.

  1. Anger                              5. Fear
  2. Jealousy                         6. Indecision
  3. Attachment                     7. Hesitation
  4. Procrastination               8. Greed
Today I will talk about 1st four i.e. Anger, Fear, Jealousy and Indecision.

 
My personal experience and those of my students who have shared with me reaffirm that these four enemies are big Happiness Spoilers in our lives. In order to have appropriate benefit of our discussion, I suggest that you may mentally go through the pages of the book of your life. Then identify which were the moments when these four villains have spoiled your happy moments.

I received a mail from one of my readers to shorten my blog. I ‘ll talk to you further on this tomorrow.

Thanks for reading.

Thursday, 30 April 2015

Life’s Lessons from Shakespeare.

Shakespeare was born in April 1564. Some people say he was born on 22nd April others opine 23rd April 1564. He died at the age of 52 years on 23rd April 1660 that means almost 400 years ago.


How is it that his popularity as a dramatist has not faded out? The reason is his philosophy, the wisdom that we find in his plays and the energizing wit and humor of his comedy.   In fact, these transcend the limits of time and space. He has dealt with human emotions – anger, ambition, jealousy, credulity, indecision etc: these habits are found in the people even today.

In this post I propose to discuss his wisdom as is evident from the 3 pieces I have picked from 3 different plays.

HAMLET


Hamlet was a victim of indecision. Indecision was the bane of his life. Unfortunately today also we find many of us suffer from indecision. In the process we undergoavoidable mental agony. I give below the oft quoted words of Hamlet.

To be, or not to be: that is the question: whether’ it’s nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them?

In sharp contrast are the following words taken from his play As You Like It.

As You Like It.



And this our life, exempt from public haunt, finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in everything.

These words, I find, are even more relevant today than were in his own time. ‘Exempt from Public Haunt’- we are in dire need of getting a break and going to the nature from our daily hectic life. And the best place is back to the nature. We have lots of resorts by the sea side, on the scenic mountains, and similar places where we are away from ‘Public Haunt’. As Shakespeare says we can speak to the trees enjoy running brooks/trees and find all the goodness of the world in nature.

Finally I have picked up a very significant point from the tragedy- Macbeth. :


Macbeth 



When our actions do not, our fears do make us traitors.

The philosophy of this word is as true today as at any time. Often we do not want to act as Williams yet due to our fears we are motivated to indulge. In many other plays to I find Shakespeare’s massage to imbibe courage in ones personality, speaks louder than words.

Thank you for reading.





Thursday, 7 March 2013

Act never React!



3 Magical Words that can change you life. What do these words mean? Simply stated these mean that your words must simply stated these mean that you must always remain composed – Never exceedingly happy, and never heavily sad.
Never react to a person, nor to any situation. It may so happen that someone has told you something which he or she should not have said. You may become angry and give it back in the same coin. But that will not solve the problem. It will aggravate it. Then what should you do? Should you take things lying down? No! Yet, you must practice to remain composed and ask your mind what you should do? You will mind will surely respond. You will be able to say  such words ‘cooly’ to your opponent that will work out to be a befitting response. The person will never dare to insult you again. Is it easy to acquire such strength in character? No it is not. But, it is quite possible by consistently reminding yourself that you must never ever react. You should ‘act’ instead. Asking your mind is in fact your ‘action’.

We must all remember that when we ‘act’, we use our mind. But when we ‘react’, we lose our mind. Using the mind is surely a better alternative. Your mind provides you with ample opportunities to overcome difficult, indeed very difficult situations. It is worth becoming adept in using your mind gainfully, always.